“I love you.” Ryan said, pulling Nick closer to kiss him.
“I love you too.” Nick replied, returning the kiss.
“This is for you.” Ryan stated, holding out a small gift. “Happy birthday.”
Nick smiled. “You know you didn’t have to give me anything.” Taking the gift, he began to unwrap as he spoke.
“I know, but I wanted to.” he said, looking on with a little anxiety, hoping his boyfriend would like it.
Nick made a show of drawing out the unwrapping, to tease Ryan’s anxiety a little. “Just open it already!” he explained after a minute or two. Nick laughed, and unwrapped it the rest of the way, to reveal a triskele pendant on a leather cord.
“This is amazing.” he said. “How’d you manage to keep this a secret?”
“Well… I had to get Rick to help me. I couldn’t risk my parents finding it, so I had him hang on to it for me to give to you.”
“Thank you.” he said, smiling as he put it on, then leaned over and kissed him again. “You’re the best.”
“I can’t wait.” Ryan said. “Prom’s in three weeks, and we graduate the week after that — then we can finally strike out and be on our own.”
“Big plans, I see.” Nick said with a grin, fingers tracing over the amulet.
“Did you hear back from any of the schools you applied to?” Ryan asked.
“Well…about that…” Nick started.
“Don’t tell me you didn’t even apply.”
“No, I applied — I’m just not sure if I want to go to school.” Nick replied.
“Need a break?” Ryan asked.
“An Army recruiter called me the other day.” he replied.
“Military? You told them to eff off, right?”
“I listened, but I didn’t say much.” Nick admitted.
“Next time they call, just tell them you aren’t interested. We can take some time off school. Maybe travel a little or something.”
“Yea…sure.” he said, sighing inwardly, but dropped the subject.
~
Nick didn’t bring up the subject again for a while. Prom time came, and both boys focused on having a good time. To alleviate suspicions with Ryan’s family. Rick’s sister posed as his date, and his parents fawned over them. Nick went alone, waiting for the limo the friend group had rented to come collect him. Upon its arrival, Nick’s parents were sure to get pictures of each actual couple, as well as the group as a whole, before letting them go on.
Prom was a great time, though the group skipped the after party to do their own things. For their part, Nick and Ryan went camping alone, and had a night to remember. It was the morning after that became problematic.
“Have you thought any about what we want to do this summer?” Ryan asked as they packed up.
“Not really.” he said, then paused what he was doing. “Ry, I spoke with the recruiter again.”
“You told him to fuck off, right?” Ryan said, still packing and loading the truck Nick had borrowed from his dad.
“Not exactly.” Nick admitted.
“Why the hell not?” Ryan said, stopping to look at Nick.
“I just asked some questions.” he responded.
“It’s not like there’s a draft. There’s no need to sign up, so don’t even think about it, alright?” Ryan said, sounding annoyed.
“Alright.” came Nick’s response, not wanting to start a fight.
~
There was a graduation party held at Rick’s the day after commencement, with a quieter affair at Ryan’s place, after which the pair headed to Nick’s for relaxation time. They were in the midst of a movie, when a scene with military personnel played out.
“I’m so glad you put this nonsense behind you.” Ryan said. Nick remained silent. “You did, right?” Ryan asked, looking at him. Again, Nick remained silent. Ryan got up and turned off the TV.
“Why won’t you answer me?” he asked, turning to face Nick.
With a sigh, he got up, and headed to Ryan, wrapping his arms around the other boy and held him close. Ryan leaned into him, letting himself be embraced and close to Nick. “You’re staying with me, right?” he asked.
“I’m sorry.” Nick said quietly.
“What’d you do?” Ryan asked, closing his eyes and fearing the worst.
“I signed up. I leave in a few weeks.” he responded.
“Dammit, Nick!” he exclaimed, and pushed him away. “Why? Why would you do this?”
“I want to protect people.” he said bluntly.
“So you couldn’t just join the police academy or something?” he said, beginning to yell.
“Like the police in this town do anything worthwhile, and you know it.” he snapped back. “I don’t jump on your back for wanting to help people, do I?”
“What I want to do is going to save lives, not kill them!” Ryan yelled.
“Isn’t it worth it to save people?” Nick said, a little coldly.
“I can’t believe you just said that!”
“You’re telling me you wouldn’t defend yourself or another if they were in danger?” Nick asked.
“I didn’t say that! Stop twisting my words!” he said, and pushed Nick, hard.
“What the hell, man? Knock it off!”
“You go tell them you changed your mind.” Ryan demanded.
“The hell I will. I already signed.” Nick reminded him.
“You’re not going!” he stated.
“Why the hell not?!” he yelled back
“Because you’re going to get your stupid ass killed!” Ryan yelled.
“I’ve put up with a damn lot from you. I’ve kept us hidden for you, I’ve kept myself and my faith hidden from your parents for your sake…now you’re making demands of me? Insulting me? I thought you were better than that. I’m not your damn Dad! The military isn’t going to fuck me up like it did him!”
The boys argued back and forth some more, there in Nick’s living room, before things came to a head, and they began actually fighting. Nick’s Dad ran in, a crying, ten-year-old Liv hiding in the doorway as they were pulled apart.
“If you can’t get your damn head out of your ass and unsign up, we’re through!” Ryan finally yelled
“I guess we’re through!” Nick yelled back.
“Fuck you for going there, and fuck you for wasting three years of my life.” Ryan said, wiping blood from a cut on his lip before flipping Nick off and leaving. Nick collapsed into a chair and buried his head in his hands.
“Go help your mom, Livvy.” said their Dad, and she scurried out of the house to find their mom. Kevin came up to his son, and put a hand on his shoulder.
“Did I do wrong, signing up?” he asked his Dad, not looking up.
“I support your choice, don’t I? Doesn’t mean I don’t worry. Maybe that’s all that is with Ryan.”
“I don’t know… should I try talking to him?”
“Give him a couple of days to cool down. But try calling him before you leave.”
Nick nodded, and headed up to his room after the talk.
~
About three days later, Nick made several attempts to try to call Ryan, but he never picked up. It wasn’t until later that night that he got a text. ‘Lose my number’ it said. ‘I want nothing to do with you anymore’.
Nick couldn’t help but cry after that. He’d lost the best thing in his life, and for what? Was it really with it? It was too late to back out now. Depression overtook him until he left, when he determinedly tried to turn his thinking to doing the best he could with his new job. All his energy and focus could go into that. That didn’t mean it hurt less — just that he didn’t focus on the breakup.