It’s been awhile, since I’ve looked at my journal here. I used to write a lot more frequently, back when I lived in Japan. I was alone more often then. Dad worked all the time, my grandparents, though I love them, were hard to identify with, and the friends I had didn’t really have open schedules – at least one attended cram school, and the others had busy lives at home, so it was usually only on days we didn’t have school that we got to hang out to any decent extent.
So I wrote, and I drew, as a way to combat loneliness. I wrote fairly often when I first came to the states – at least until I met Dave and Tony. I finally had a way to combat the loneliness. The three of us hung out a lot, and I started working for the Chen’s at the restaurant, which helped combat that loneliness even more. I was happier.
So I stopped writing.
And now? Now I think I need to again. Not because of loneliness, but just to try and bleed off some of the confusion and overwhelmed feelings I’ve been having lately. So to backtrack, in case I ever look back on this years later and need a refresher, for nearly the last month it seems like my life has been practically a non-stop whirlwind.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m not really living – if maybe I’m dreaming while in a coma because of my accident. A more fantastical part of me wonders if that accident didn’t somehow just transport me to a different universe, like happens with so many anime and manga, and give me special abilities just by the sheer sliding of universes.
Both seem unlikely, if I’m being realistic.
Looking over what I’ve written, I don’t know if anyone would be able to read it. I write in kanji because it’s most familiar and natural for me. I should be safe. I mean, I know Sayuri can speak Japanese, but I’m not sure if she can read hiragana and katakana. I don’t think I mind if she finds this – but I know I’m not ready for any of the guys to see this.
So, let me start with the accident.
I was racing. I love to race – it’s fun, it’s freeing, and it’s probably the closest I’ll ever get to flying, especially considering heights scare the hell out of me. I’d just helped a girl who had a slushie dumped on her by Kyle, an asshole jock at school. I gave her my gym clothes to change into (which I never got back, now that I think about it) and tried to calm her down. We heard a noise, and that’s how we met Billy – he was hiding in one of the stalls of the girls’ restroom smoking some weed.
It was Tony, Sayuri and I who had gone out to race. Dave had to work, and Sayuri kept time while Tony and I raced one another. While I was racing, something went wrong with the front end of the bike, and it started to shake. I should have slowed down, but I thought I could push through, finish the race. I didn’t. I lost control, and crashed. My head cracked; my helmet cracked harder. I was disoriented, and I don’t remember a whole lot other than that.
I was more aware in the hospital. Honestly? I was more worried about Dad having had to take time off of work because of me than for myself.
And that’s when the weird shit started happening.
Since the accident, I discovered I was a mage, and could do magic. Real magic. I became better friends with Sayuri, and Billy. Danny was there too. She was weird, but, I was trying to be her friend.
Boy, was that a mistake.
I found out that my Dad had been dating again, and hadn’t told me. Turns out, his girlfriend was Sayuri’s mom.Tony and Sayuri started dating. I asked Dave out. Danny and Billy hooked up. Danny jumped off a roof and Billy had to save her. We got into a fight with Kyle at school. Danny pulled a knife on him and cut him. Everyone but Sayuri and Billy were suspended for a week. Dave was super grounded for that week.
Danny had a weird dream and found out she’s a faerie and had this dream creature and this whole super cool special place, yet she wanted nothing to do with it and was awful to everyone – especially Billy, and he was only ever nice to her. When we came back to school, there was a stupid amount of make-up work. Dad got me a new bike – one that wasn’t street legal even, and super fast. Dad started teaching my friends jujitsu. We apologized to Kyle and he offered truce. Everyone but Danny left him alone after that.
Everyone grew really close. Well…everyone but Danny. We learned Danny had this past life where she was a noble knight that saved a kingdom. She was controlled while she slept, and nearly killed her little chimera that the rest of us adore. Sayuri and I went out on a limb to get her help to remember who she had been so she could defeat who had been controlling her. Still, she didn’t change.
There’s Jasper too, of course. A literal angel, who helped us out immensely. Danny used him as more of an errand guy though, I think – trying to get him to fix every little thing that she didn’t want to deal with. She was supposed to be this really smart kid but…I don’t know, I think she forgot how to use her brain. She said something that drove Billy to contemplate suicide, and I talked him down, then the rest of us tried to cheer him up.
I know I’m forgetting some things, but there’s just been that much crap in the last month. Just a month!
Last week Thursday, I went to a rave club to meet the mentor that Jasper had found for me. Billy knew the place, and I found out later that he even knew my mentor, Reyr. Reyr covered a little with me, magic wise, and we exchanged numbers so we could set up a time for a proper lesson. Saturday was my first lesson with him.
I….ugh, okay….my chronology is all kinds of messed up right now. Did I mentioned Danny’s mom tried to kill us? We had to kill her in self-defense!
Urgh….alright, what if I try things this way? What if I just go person by person and do it that way? Would that work?
Yeah, I think that might work. So where to start? Uhh….hmmm…ok, let’s just…start with the familiar.
Dad – I knew he worked as a security person, but I didn’t know he worked for Megadon Pharmaceuticals until very recently. It was Dad whom I called when Danny’s mom attacked us and we had been killed. He had some kind of authority to even override the cops – what the hell? I came to find out the company he worked for was aware that things like me and my friends existed. It was his job to make sure no one got hurt. Ultimately, he ended up arresting us because he didn’t want to see us hurt when he learned we were planning on trying to kill a nasty thing. After I told him what I had seen could happen, he got us out of there. We were taken back home, and he had to go into hiding. I found him though, and got him back earlier today.
Machiko – Sayuri’s mom, and Dad’s girlfriend. Honestly, she makes him really happy. In all my life, I can’t ever remember seeing him so happy, if I were to be honest. She’s a kitsune, just like Sayuri, and apparently works for the yakuza. She’d initially started dating Dad because he was a target, but she fell for him. She’s kind of the ‘cool mom’ person, and has been really supportive and encouraging to me when I needed someone to talk to after the mistake I made last week.
Jasper – Like said, an angel. A very helpful one, at that. He’s made it so Frank is able to be seen by all of us, so that those of us that are supernatural are a pack, helped make me a little stronger, helped me rewind time (I’ll get to that later), given us information about what was under the school and who was after my Dad. He sacrificed himself to help me.
Frank – Frank started out as Danny’s chimera; a little creature made up of dreams. She abused him terribly, poor guy. He’s this cute little dragon thing, and rather child-like, loving to help however he can.
Danny – an annoying little fairy shit storm that can’t help but get everyone around her into trouble. A walking chaos magnet of her own making, too stubborn to listen to reason or try to change. A toxic fairy asshole who needs a severe dose of her own medicine and total lock down in a psychiatric facility. Maybe worse. I mean, this absolute piece of useless, manipulative garbage tried to sell Sayrui and I into sexual slavery! Psycho!
Maddie – Not someone I know well, but she’s interesting. She comes across as very aloof, though she’s a fellow mage, and someone I think is just adorable, and I’d like to try and be friends with her. She was hired to replace me at the restaurant after I quit.
Zain – Some British mage, supposedly raised by monks, who appeared out of nowhere and helped us in the fight against the thunderwyrm. Since then, he’s just seemed eager to fight, has made an idiot of himself in front of Maddie, and confessed to what amounts to stalking us. Supposedly he was assigned by his mage tradition to investigate my node. We’ve been letting him hang out with us, but I’m not sure I want to trust him.
Sayuri – practically my sister. Sure, she’s got some annoying habits (like eavesdropping), and is way too loud when she’s….umm….happy?, she’s still a great friend. I’ve been trying to get her to come out of her shell – she’s been so self-sheltered her whole life she needs to just relax and just….be, you know? Still, she’s fiercely loyal to those she cares about, though at the same time she’s not going to sit there and try to help if you aren’t accepting what’s being offered (looking at you, Danny). I’m so glad I can soundproof their room with magic, but maybe we should look into more practical soundproofing, and have magic be a backup cause, you know…paradox.
Tony – He’s still very much Tony. He’s been dating Sayuri, is learning shibari for her, and recently got kicked out of his house – presumably because he wanted to live with us (I’ll get to that later too). He yelled at me yesterday because he was super mad at me. I wanted to curl up and cry. To be honest, after that last insult was hurled my way, I wanted to make myself feel pain because I was hurting others. Instead, I left the house for a while.
Reyr – My mentor (he calls me his mentee). Looks amazing without a shirt. I’ve mostly seen him without his shirt on, now that I think about it. I like him – he’s nice, he’s got a good teaching method, I meet. I just…I wish that our first lesson didn’t involve me having sex with him. He made a lot of good points for it, and I know I’m the one who agreed, but in retrospect, I shouldn’t have. I’m not sure I regret what we did, as much as I regret accidentally linking minds with Sayuri during. I enjoyed it, and he has a point in that there was no emotional connection. Still…it’s caused problems. And why am I only remembering now what Billy said at the club when I asked about him? Don’t fall for him – lots of girls do. Oh holy hell I have no willpower. Dammit Reyr, stop looking so good.
Billy – How do I even start? When you first meet him, he honestly just comes across as….well…an idiot. He talks like surfers do, and seems like more of a stoner than he actually is. He has no filter, which can be super problematic at times, and yet…when you get to know him, he’s something else altogether. He’s really smart, compassionate, easy to talk to, looks good without a shirt dammit I’m doing it again!, and just…I…I can’t quantify it. He’s just Billy, and I think I’ve fallen for him and Dave both.
Mrs. Chen – Normally, I wouldn’t mention Dave’s mom here but…she has kind of been a source of stress, what with her pressing for Dave and I to get on with the baby making so she can have grandchildren. What the hell.
Dave – He’s a good guy…a great guy, actually. I don’t know if I really deserve him. He’s loved me since we met, and has been patiently waiting. He loves me, he supports me, he forgave me…more importantly, he forgave me every single time I fucked up. Still…that intensity scares me. I confessed to him last night…no, wait…this morning? I don’t know…I told him that when he said that it was a little scary. I also told him why I had gone to talk to Billy. Then he did a majorly stupid thing. I get that he felt left out. I never intended that he should feel that way. But he went and got himself turned into a vampire.
That…that’s not a remotely logical response. I ended up turning back time to prevent this, with help. Jasper took the blame for it, hence the sacrifice. I heard him tell me, before he was completely gone, that he hoped that by saving two lives it would put him back in God’s good graces, and asked me to pray for him and believe me I am. I’m fairly sure that I do love Dave. I talked over how I feel when I’m with him, and it didn’t occur to me later that I’ve said very similar to Billy.
How in the hell do I bring this up? If I hide it, it’s going to blow up in my face. If I bring it up, I risk Dave doing something stupid again and I can’t go through that again, it was too much.
So where do I sit now?
I have to help my friends move in (we all got permission to live together).
I have to make sure Danny gets removed from my pack.
I have to take care of Danny’s stupid archrival because she’s evil. Fuck fairies.
I have a new job.
I have to figure out my feelings.
I have to think before I do things, even if I think I have good intentions.
I have to not hurt people anymore – especially Dave.
I have to protect my Dad.
I have to protect my friends.
I have to be better.