Remember how I said I had to be better? How I have to not hurt people, especially Dave? Yea, well…that resolution didn’t last long. I was being highly encouraged to talk to Dave and Billy about my feelings, despite my own reservations.
It…didn’t go great.
As ever, Billy was easygoing and whatever was fine with him. I stumbled over my words a lot, but I told Dave I had growing feelings for Billy. In short, Dave doesn’t want to share my heart, but neither does he want to be the asshole that forces me to choose. There was an attempt (begun by Billy, of course) to detract from the tension and awkwardness with humor, but it didn’t last long.
I called it a night and we went our separate ways to sleep, and I cuddled up to Dave. I didn’t lay awake very long, but in the time I did I decided on two things:
- I think I’m bad at relationships
- It’s not worth throwing away what I have to pursue something new. While Dave and I may not have been dating long, there’s a much longer history there. I think there would be some strain between us if I did decide to pursue Billy, and that’s the kind of thing I wanted to avoid in the first place when I refused to date either he or Tony. I don’t want to lose anyone, so I should just try and learn to reign myself in.
This morning, I made breakfast and kept to what is a fairly normal routine – wake up, shower, dress, cook, serve. I did however speak to Tony about messing with Sayuri a little. He was all for it, and we both thought it would be amusing, and neither of us mean any harm by it. A little while after breakfast, Dad called and said he was ready to head in to the company. I collected our employee paperwork while waiting for him, then drove him over.
Billy came with me, while Sayuri had plans to head to her little area in the tree and recharge. Mike Dragons-Wrath was there to meet us when we arrived, as I had contacted him about Dad coming in like he had wanted. I was directed to HR, and Dad went elsewhere. I was in with HR for a little bit, just making sure that nothing was missed on the paperwork. On the way out, I was stopped by Dragons-Wrath, given a small tour of the facility, and it was explained that Dad was in surgery to remove an implant.
Billy and I played cards while we waited. Dad came out of it seemingly fine, mentioning he had been debriefed and the implant removed, so I took him back to his house. It was on the way back home that Sayuri started yelling at me in my head. I guess Tony told he he’d shared the app to her vibrating panties with me, but I point-blank responded that I was driving. She doesn’t know Billy was on my phone and was aware of the app.
I relayed to her what happened in regards to my Dad, and just told her not to worry about anything at home – told her that she and Tony deserved time, and she could take all the rest of the day if she wanted. I don’t plan on bothering her unless something important comes up.
When we got home, we found that Dave had been working on some housework. Laundry, primarily. I was admittedly worried about him being left alone, considering what had happened that had caused me to want to go back in time, but everything was fine. I suggested that he might want to call his mom, and let her know he got a new job with good pay and benefits, then jokingly suggested he could do it while we were there packing his things to move him in like we still needed to do, or he could just call.He opted to call her and make sure it was okay to come over and pack.
So that’s what leads me to this. I’m writing while he’s on the phone, and I plan on tucking this into my backpack as soon as I’ve finished what I want to say. I can do another entry later or whatever.