So…its been a while, hasn’t it? A couple of weeks at least. I guess I’ve been preoccupied. I’ll try to summarize everything.
Alright, so the day after my last entry, we held the family dinner. The day was spent housecleaning, with Billy doling out chores, then making the prep for dinner, then actually cooking dinner. Honestly? I was expecting things to be a lot more awkward or uncomfortable than they were. I was expecting things like awkward or embarrassing questions – mostly from either Sayuri’s or Dave’s mom, but none of that. Instead, the tenseness came largely from Tony…and the awkwardness came after a comment his dad made.
Apparently, the big fight between he and his parents had less to do with him wanting to move out, and more with them not being okay with the possibility of him being bi. I never would have thought that of them – they always seemed like nice, generally open-minded people. The remainder of the evening was Tony relaxing for a while in the hot tub, then requesting Billy break out the hookah so we could all partake. Billy made sure we didn’t do too much, then somebody put on a movie.
Sayuri did what she does best – which was grind against and tease the ever loving hell out of Tony while the movie was going on. Dave groped me at least once, but after a while I just didn’t want to be downstairs anymore, so I headed upstairs to do music and meditate. Sayuri checked in to make sure I was ok. I mean, yay, people care about me, but at the same time am I not allowed to have alone time?
So yea, that was Tuesday a couple weeks ago. The next day I visited my Dad before lunch, and talked over Dave stuff with him. He put things into a different perspective than others have so far – he said it sounds like I’m seeking permission. I hadn’t thought of it that way, and thinking about it, he’s right. I think I was trying to seek a majority opinion rather than wholly make the decision myself. Of course, he also did the Dad things, where he offered to ‘take care’ of the problem. I sometimes wonder how many scruples he has, because even though he might have had a light tone, I don’t think he was joking. Before he left, he commented that if I changed my mind, he had a friend named Kei that could help, and offered to help with the body.
For my own sake, I’m going to have to break up with Dave. I haven’t done it yet – I thought waiting for a while would be a good idea. Try and go through a period where we haven’t had a ton going on at once, so that it doesn’t seem like I’m doing it because we had all hell break loose. Am I scared? Sure – I’m afraid of what he might say or do, I’m afraid of what the rest of the house might say…but ultimately I have to be me.
I’ve been keeping with my therapy appointments, and the meds are starting to help. Well, the anxiety one. The sleep aid has been helping. I’ve been trying to be discreet about the meds – they’ve been staying in my nightstand drawer (along with the massage oils and toy Sayuri got me, which remain unopened), and I only take them when I’m in the room alone. So, provided no one has been snooping in my things, no one should know. I’ll tell people when I’m ready.
Since I’m speaking of health anyway…physically, I’m fine. The last of the bruising from the fight with Danny went away a few days ago. I’m getting my mental health under control. Sexually? I’ve been distant. I haven’t particularly wanted to do anything with anyone right now, especially not if I’m going to be breaking up with Dave. If I need to take care of myself, I just wait until I’m in the shower, stay quiet, and stay aid-free.
For the most part, I’ve been training and studying. I’ve been making sure to study for the GED, usually in the mornings after breakfast. After GED studies, I head into the basement for a basic workout until lunch, grab a quick bite, and head over to Raeyr’s (when he’s available) to work on studying some of the other spheres. He’s been teaching me one called Prime, and as part of his teaching me, I’ve taken him to my node on a few occasions – in part so we can both recharge, but also because it helps with learning that particular sphere.
Apparently, I’m quite the quick study little prodigy with magic or something, because I’ve got quite the variety under my belt, and have only been Awakened for a couple of months. I’ve even managed to pick up some Spirit! So maybe now I’ll have an easier time talking to the spirits that lives with us if need be (Kyle, and Billy’s mom), or the spirits affiliated with my sword. Maybe even my own mom…
Depending on how long things take with Raeyr, I’ll head to the work training facility. If I’m there over dinner, I’ll just grab food there, and sometimes chat with Steve while eating. While there I’ve been getting a better idea of how to handle a fight with shapeshifters, and I’ve sparred with some of the people at work, utilizing and improving upon my jujitsu – I’ve also gotten a basic bokken to practice using my sword without actually using it – the last thing I’d want to do is dishonor it be drawing it and not drawing blood when using it. A bokken is just the next best thing.
There are times while at work when my mind will wander a little. Mostly, I just wonder what it might have been like to work with Dad. So many people here respect him, and when they talk about him it’s always with respect and sometimes awe. I don’t know that side of him. I may never know. In a way, it feels like a missed opportunity. Realistically, it was unlikely to ever happen had things not turned out the way they did anyway.
In my idle time, I’ve tried looking a little more into my mom’s side of the family, but haven’t had a ton of luck yet. Not sure if it’s because I don’t know what I’m doing, or if it’s because there just isn’t a lot of information available.
Oh yes – I’ve gotten the last of the work done on my tattoo! It’s finally all colored and shaded and gorgeous, I think.
All in all, the last couple of weeks have been mostly relaxing, but also productive. Why only mostly relaxing? Because I still have this Blackthorne (and by association, Penhallow) thing hovering over my head. It’s driving me crazy, but I’ve been able to stave off my usual storming off to try and take care of it myself reaction by keeping super busy with studies and training. Not sure how much longer that’s going to last, so hopefully we get that remaining info so we can get this job done and over with soon.