Nick was trying to just chill with everyone else while at home, but there was too much on his mind – again. In just two short days, the spell that had been brought down onto the city by Val’s hands had been broken, he’d had an introspective meeting with his Avatar, he’d raided a police evidence facility and destroyed evidence, and Val had shown up, tossing her dagger at his feet, in what seemed to be an effort to get him to trust her.
Val was dangerous. He’d been all set to try to work at taking her down, but now he was doubting himself. Certainly, he wanted to destroy, or at least neutralize, the dagger – he’d made this clear to Charles. The idea being that, if the dagger were destroyed, she wouldn’t have the abilities she’d gained by having used it. Standing there, holding it earlier, was surreal, and he’d wondered if he were dreaming. That is, until Sayuri came home.
At that point, he didn’t care what anyone thought – all he could think to do was not let anyone touch it, or let it out of his sight. It was less of a trust issue, and more of a concern issue. If it had corrupted Val, how easily might it corrupt a newbie vampire like Sayuri? How would it affect a shifter, or a fae, or even himself? It was all an unknown factor, and he’d had to make a snap decision about it, one that was reinforced when a binding didn’t work. Logically, though, he should have known a binding wouldn’t work against something so old and powerful, but he’d been in a panic. Even now, he was worried about it being in Charles’ possession.
Val had seemingly entrusted it to him, yes. So was passing it off the right thing to do? Would it have been better to have sought out Soleil’s help in destroying it, or should he just trust that Charles would find answers and not worry? He wasn’t sure, and the circular logic was driving him nuts. Excusing himself, he got up to head downstairs. His intent was to work out as a way to process his thoughts, but he instead found himself heading into his Sanctum for meditation purposes. He just didn’t know what else might calm him right then.
He sat in a lotus position, closed his eyes, and counted his breathing. Soon enough, his body was calm, but his mind was still racing, and in that place, nestled in his mind’s eye, he found himself this time in a glade, a forest thick with trees all around him, sunlight shifting through the leaves and branches to reach him, and the fallen log he found himself sitting on.
A crow landed on the stump across from him, raised its wings slightly and cawed at him before flying off, the rest of the murder taking from the trees to follow. Nick watched until they disappeared out of sight, and when his eyes returned to where the animal had been, he noted the form of the Morrighan before him.
She said nothing – merely looked at him, and he back at her. An understanding passed between them. She was not there to frighten him, but to remind him her role was not only that of psychopomp, but that her purview also extended to sovereignty, and, more importantly perhaps, prophecy, magic, fate, and foretelling doom, death or victory in battle.
He nodded, as he understood. She gave the briefest of smiles, before her figure faded. And he wept. When he opened his eyes, she was gone, in her place a scarred older man, a look of impatience on his face before he noticed Nick’s attention, and he spoke. “‘All that you are, and all you could ever be.’, and yes, you’re using magic more, but you’re failing to live up to your potential.”
“What do you want from me? Nick asked, feeling tired all of a sudden, not to mention a little annoyed.
“I told you. Fuck around and find out. You aren’t pushing yourself enough. You need to learn, need to grow. Push your own boundaries, and for fuck’s sake, start having some fun. Who cares what other people think? It’s about your experiences and your potential – not theirs. Why is it you can listen to those deities of yours and what they want, when you can’t listen me?”
“I just met you the other day!” Nick complained.
“But I am you. This should be instinctual. Stop being so stubborn and accept it already.”
Nick grumbled. His Avatar sighed., “Just get off your ass already.” he said, leaning over and poking Nick in the third eye, prompting him to snap out of his meditation.
He got up and brushed himself off. Now he was annoyed and frustrated. He was feeling pressured, and he needed to vent somehow. He knew Ryan and Alyssa were working. Maybe just go out. One night….one night of not caring. Could he afford that freedom? Would it really be so bad?