As he sat there, watching the movie with everyone else, Nick’s mind wasn’t really on the movie. Thoughts of the circus and things he had seen sat at the back of his mind, and they were things he didn’t want to share. Some of the worst parts of him had made themselves known, and though the details were fuzzy, it wasn’t anything he wanted to share. After all, he kept his military past secret for a reason. He didn’t talk about the Inquisition members he’d killed in cold blood, or the gang bangers he’d destroyed in a frenzy.
He knew he wasn’t a monster, but there was a part in the back of his mind that whispered: What if you are? over and over until he felt like he might go crazy. He really wasn’t in the mood for the movie – just watching for the sake of his friends, and for Billy. All he wanted to do is crash, and deal with what dreams may come. Although he was doing a bit better, he still didn’t feel at h is best. Closing his eyes for a moment, a collage of memories played, causing him to look longingly at the liquor cabinet when he did reopen his eyes. It was hard to resist just then. So very, very hard.
Say something to someone he told himself. But he just sat there, watching the movie without really seeing it. His friends had had their own horrific experiences at the circus, and Billy had just gone through something extra. Burdening them was not an option. He could get up and call Charles, maybe, but it was something he’d rather do when he was alone, and right now he wasn’t. Excusing himself might alert the others, and he didn’t much feel like getting into the why’s of anything right then.
What’s the point right now? He though, and then sighed. He needed to get out of his funk, and try to enjoy the movie. The movie…what was it? He couldn’t even remember what had been chosen, he’d been so out of it. He made an active effort to pay attention and enjoy it, but decided he was just too tired to try. Making an excuse, he got up to head upstairs to bed. He just needed the day to be over. No – the nightmare needed to end. Sleep needed to take him, and tomorrow would be better, he told himself.
Hopefully Min would join him once the movie was over, but if she didn’t, he’d at least have Chase to keep him company.