The summons had taken Jett to one of your typical roadside motels; the kind where the door opens to the outside for a quick entry – or a quick escape. Upon opening the door to room 113, the feeling began to dissipate, now that he was nearing Marcus’ presence.
“Come on in, just…please close the door behind you.”
“I know. I’m not stupid.” he grumbled, as he closed the door, clearly looking annoyed.
The other man was sitting on the edge of the bed, reading a book. “Have a seat.” he said, looking up at Jett finally.
“I’m here.” Jett huffed as he took a seat.
“I would have called, but you wouldn’t have come.” Marcus explained.
“I wouldn’t have answered.” Jett retorted.
“I missed you.” Marcus said, his tone shifting from its usual blaseness to being a touch more emotional.
“I’ve heard that one before.” Jett complained, still in a less than pleasant mood.
“I thought I’d been trying to give you your space, though.” he said.
“You usually do. I’ll admit that.” It pained Jett to do so, however.
“I have kept tabs on you a little. But I never interfered; I never reached out. When I heard you had come to town though…and I did write you the letter…”
“You did, but I didn’t come to town for you.” Jett interrupted.
“Ah. Why did you come to town then?” he looked genuinely curious, as though it hadn’t dawned on him what that reason could be.
“I wanted to warn this kid to stay away from you.” Jett said, narrowing his eyes slightly.
“Why for? Am I that bad?” he inquired.
“Do-do you not-” and he just stopped, giving Marcus an incredulous look. “Do you really not get it?”
“Did I ever really treat you so badly? I admit, some of the situations I put you in, some of the other people I entrusted you to, broke that trust. But you can hardly hold me responsible for that.” There was a pause for a moment. “Or do you?”
”It’s the boundary crossing, more than that.” Jett finally said, refusing to comment on his idea of how much accountability Marcus did or did not have into those other events. “You’ve done that in the past, and I don’t appreciate…you know me, I always buck authority, I always have.”
“Yes, it’s one of the things I love about you.” Marcus said, hints of a smile and even good-natured laughter appearing on his face.
“I don’t like being put in situations where I don’t have a choice.”
“…but you always said yes.”
“Under duress maybe.” he snapped, feeling bitter and angry, though he sounded more tired than anything.
“Surely not. I never used Dominate on you, or anything like that.” Marcus protested.
“No, but you have used deceit plenty.” Jett reminded him.
Marcus sighed. “That’s not how I remember it. But, I didn’t ask you here to hash over old issues. That – that’s not why I – I mean, I wanted to try and show you that I’m moving on, that I’m trying to do better. That’s why I wrote you the letter. To let you know that I’m reaching out to the world again. For a very long time, it was just myself, and occasionally you. I’d hole up in my secret little hideaways with my books and my art; never really experiencing the world. I read news. I kept on. I was aware of the world, the passage of time, but socially I never got out. And I thought perhaps maybe you’d be proud of me or happy for me, that I was making an effort. Do you really hate me so much… that you can’t even give me that?”
“I don’t begrudge you trying to… to do better.” Jett responded tiredly. “I really don’t. I just…you know how stubborn I am, and with that stubbornness comes a very difficult time of letting go of grudges.”
“But holding a grudge is still different from hating. Have I hurt you that bad? Have I pushed you that far away?”
Jett just shrugged.
“I guess I really am a monster.” Marcus continued.
Jett took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before speaking, and, against his better judgement… “If you were a monster, someone would have taken care of you a long time ago.”
Marcus snickered. “Like who?”
“Well…plenty would have tried, anyway.” he attempted to point out.
“Plenty have.” Marcus said, somewhat dismissively. “You don’t need to be a monster to make enemies. Hell, sometimes being a good guy earns you twice as many. At any rate, I – ”
“My issues are my issues.” Jett interrupted, wanting to get things over with. “Tell me what you wanted to tell me.”
“I just wanted to…say hello. I wanted to reach out to you. You came to my town – not the other way around.” Marcus pointed out.
“I’m doing about as well as I ever do.” he admitted.
“Are you happy?” Marcus asked.
“I’m ok.” Jett lied. He just couldn’t bring himself to argue anymore.
Marcus looked sad just then. Not that most would be able to tell, but Jett had spent enough time around him to notice the subtle changes in emotion. It hurt. And he hated it.
“I take it you found out I was here because of this kid.” Jett finally said.
“And others. They said you had been – how did Nick say it? – looking around. Trying to find him, pulled a gun on him.” Marcus said. It was hard to tell, but Jett thought he heard a hint of annoyance, or perhaps disapproval.
“I admit I could have handled things better.”
“You do sometimes have a bit of a short fuse.” Marcus said with a little smirk.
“Yeah.”
“It’s not the worst trait in the world.” he pointed out.
“Depends on who you ask.”
“It’s never made me love you any less, though. I’m…. starting to realize that you may never love me back. I admit, I had problems accepting that in the past. But I am trying to be better. If anything, maybe tonight should be the night that I set you free.”
Jett’s head whipped up, and he stared at Marcus. Several attempts to speak are made, but he just sputters, unable to find words.
Marcus continues. “Up until now, I may not have fully realized or understood. I was brought up in a different time, a different place. I had a different understanding, a different worldview, different perceptions than what you do. And to me, our relationship was troubled, but still a relationship. And now, after…. talking to some people and looking at things from a new angle, I come to understand that I think perhaps you never saw it the same way I did. In that vein, you made it pretty clear that you will never feel for me the way that I feel for you. I have to accept that. And I’m starting to understand that constantly pursuing you and trying to force you to feel a way that you don’t feel is hurting you. That’s not what I want.”
Jett just kind of slowly nodded after Marcus had finished speaking, shock beginning to settle in his system. Here, finally, were words hed’s always wanted to hear; things he’d always wanted Marcus to acknowledge. Was this real? It seemed real – there was real emotion there, from what he could tell. It pained part of him to see that Marcus was in pain, and it was Jett’s fault.
“I’m not perfect. Hell, even when I was alive, I wasn’t perfect. I can’t change how I acted in the past or what I did. All I can do is try to stop hurting you now. Try to not do it again. And as much as it hurts me and pains me, if you want to be free of me, if you want me to never contact you again, and I’ll do so, I’ll disappear from your life completely.”
Jett just gave another slow, sort of nod to indicate he’d heard Marcus. After a long silence, he spoke. “O…okay.”
“I do have one wish. If this is to be the last time we see each other. Might I feel your embrace one last time?” he asked, a bit of a hopeful note to his voice.
Unsure of what else to really say or do, Jett nodded yet again, taking a moment to get up and approach the other man. With a smile and small look of… relief? happiness? Jett wasn’t sure. Marcus pulled Jett to him, in what would be the beginnings of a long night.