He’d never say anything, but Nikolai was punishing himself for what had happened to Petra. He simply could not forgive himself for not being there to prevent the house from being broken into, or stand up to Gabriel for her. He had cowed around the man. Unforgivable.
He tried to do things so that he wouldn’t be discovered; his punishment was his to bear, after all. He’d wait until day, when Petra was asleep, and put Max in the yard to play and exercise for awhile – not just because he needed it, but because the animal might tell Vince, and Nikolai didn’t want him to know either.
More often than not, he would head to the basement and beat himself up over the situation – literally – for an hour or two a day since it had happened. His fists generally were what suffered, from punching the basement wall. His hands would ache as he went about daily duties after that, but he felt it was justifiable, and if he needed to, he could always spend blood to heal, though he was careful not to need that – he didn’t want to have to get more from Petra before it was time if he could help it.
He would shower and clean up before letting Max back in, then set about daily duties – whatever had been asked of him, plus whatever needed to be done.
Maybe I should talk to someone. he thought. But they’ll all just tell me it’s not my fault when it really is. Deacon never would have come into the house if I hadn’t left it. If he hadn’t come into the house, he would never have gotten Petra’s braid, and Gabriel never would have been able to put that spell on her. So who’s left to talk to?