Conflict and Insecurity

He reached over, brushing aside hair that was covering her face. He didn’t  like seeing that look in her eyes – she who once had been so spirited and confidant was now meek and unsure.

“What happened?” he asked her.

“Nothing I care to talk about.” she mumbled. She still wasn’t sure if she were dreaming or not sometimes. the dreams had been so real, but she was able to remind herself that they were only dreams by pinching herself. She had tiny bruises on her upper left arm from all the times she’d pinched herself to make sure she was really safe.

“Something happened.” he said, trying to conceal the anger he felt towards whomever had done this to her with legitimate worry and concern. “I don’t like seeing you hurt.”

“I know you don’t, but I’ll be okay.” Eventually, she thought to herself. She hugged herself and looked at him, managing a small smile. “Thank you for worrying about me.”

“I care about you. Of course I worry.”

“Still?” he nodded. “We split amicably. I wish we hadn’t, I won’t lie about that. ” he spoke in gentle tones as he caressed her cheek. She reached up and placed a hand over his, letting it linger for a moment before sighing and pulling his hand away.

“I can’t, Blade. I’m with Timur now.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” he said.

“You don’t have to be sorry – you just need to be careful.” He watched as she gathered up her books and shove them into her backpack. She looked around for Ilyana and Trish – they were nearby, but giving her space. She hoped Ilyana didn’t relay anything to Timur, though she figured she might tell her brother. Mandy just hoped he wouldn’t be upset. It was hard letting go of two good years of a relationship you only ended because of distance issues.  Still, she liked Timur, and didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

“I should go, Blade.”

“Will you ever tell me what happened to change you?”

“I don’t know.” she responded quietly after a moment’s pause. “It’s not something I can talk about now. The only person I’ve talked to about it is my Dad, and even that I didn’t want to get into with him.”

“Can you answer me one thing?”

“I can try.”

He thought for a minute on how to phrase it, not wanting to offend her. ultimately, he felt straightforward was best. “Were you raped?”

She was silent for a long moment before finally responding. “Not sexually.” She stood, and gathered up her backpack. “I need to go – I have class.”

He stood up with her,  took a step forward and hugged her. She wanted right them to tell him so badly what had happened, let him hold her like he used to and comfort her, but she knew she couldn’t. She hugged back, however, then stepped away, wiping her eyes before taking two steps back, turning around, and rushing off to one of the nearby buildings. He watched her leave, and thus didn’t notice Ilyana and Trish approach him.

“Did she tell you anything?”

“No, and I don’t know that she ever will. She said she hasn’t told anyone save for her Dad.”

“Well, the  important thing now is that we be there for her.”

“And don’t worry – I doubt my brother would mind what happened here.”

“How’d you know I was concerned about that?”

“Simple, really. You’re the ex, he’s the current boyfriend. Clearly you’re still in love with her. With that in mind, you aren’t a loose cannon like the last guy, so are unlikely to hurt her. So as long as you don’t hurt her, I don’t think he’ll be upset.”

“As long as you’re sure.”

Ilyana nodded. “Timur acts like a tough guy, but he’s a good guy underneath that exterior.”

“Thank you for that insight.”

“We all miss the way she was.” Trish reflected. “It’s been a few days since whatever happened, happened. Hopefully she’ll trust us enough to tell us some day.”

“Hopefully.” he glanced at his watch. “Ladies, I am sorry but I have an appointment.” he paused, considering. “I don’t suppose either of you knows where Morningstar Estates is?”

Trish smiled. “I live there, actually. I can give you directions.”

“Thank you.”

Trish gave him directions from campus, and he thanked her again before leaving for his appointment. As he drove over there, his thoughts kept turning back to Mandy, and how he might be able to help her. He couldn’t think of anything, other than try to help her with self-defense. But what could he teach her? He only knew a few rituals, courtesy of his domitor’s trust in him. He could maybe see about having her ghouled – she would at least have extra strength that way – but he didn’t know if it would be stepping on anyone’s toes.

Feeling more frustrated than ever, he pulled into the parking space in front of the office at Morningstar, got out and slammed the door shut. He waited before heading in, still thinking. Finally, giving up for now, he headed in to make arrangements to see a unit, and, if it suited his master’s needs, he’d place a deposit, with option to buy.

In the meantime, Mandy had disappeared into the Arts building, walking past her music class to the Ladies’ Room. No one was in there at present, what with classes being in session currently. She made her way to the furthest stall, opened the door and locked it behind her, dropping her bag to the floor as she sat. She brought her hands to her face and rocked back and forth as she tried not to cry.

Why did this have to happen to her? Why did she have to always care for two guys at once? Maybe she should just up and leave….but she couldn’t do that to her Dad, and there was no guarantee for her safety elsewhere, either. She felt like walls were closing in on her, and she finally let the tears flow, her breath coming in sobbing gasps as she tried to breathe through the oppressiveness.

In time, the panic episode passed, and she was able to breathe normally and think clearly again. She couldn’t let this or anything else happen to her again. She’d carry a weapon on her person and not just in her purse. A knife would work – she didn’t know if she could get a conceal and carry permit, but she certainly was going to go to the range more often, and get better. She could ask Sergei or her Dad for tips – they both seemed to know their guns. Maybe there was someone else that could teach her some self-defense. She thought she remembered Trish saying that she took lessons before she got pregnant – maybe Trish could set her up with lessons, or recommend something to learn at the very least.

She looked up suddenly when she heard the restroom door open, followed by voices. Quickly, she wiped her eyes and stood, the toilet auto-flushing as she did so. She grabbed her bag, unlocked the stall and headed for the sink, where she washed her hands, and splashed some water on her face. Once satisfied with her appearance, she left the restroom and headed back out of the building, towards home, careful of anyone she didn’t know this time. I really ought to talk to Dad about getting me another car. It’s getting too cold to walk she thought.

Before she knew it, she was home, and she breathed a sigh of relief as she unlocked the door and headed inside.

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