Tuesday
Ilyana had tuned out her family for a little bit as they talked to Dmitri. They were trying to encourage him to head out this way, like Timur had offered, because she and Timur seemed to be doing so well. If Dmitri moved out, he’d end up living with them, which would be problematic for multiple reasons, not the least of which were Timur and Sergei’s condition. Moreover, she would likely move out – she didn’t want to live with Dmitri again. Growing up with him had been bad enough.
She was vaguely aware as she ate her dinner that the conversation had turned to Timur and how happy and excited they were to see him settling down. Inwardly, she rolled her eyes, knowing better then they did. She missed it, however, when they started talking about her, and in fact did not become fully aware of it until Dmitri kicked her under the table. She glared at him until she heard her mother speak.
“Don’t you think, Ilyana?”
Ilyana turned her attention to her mother. “I’m sorry mama, I didn’t hear you. I was thinking about school.” she lied, and turned back to her dinner.
“I said it’s time for you to settle down too, don’t you think?”
Ilyana sighed. “I don’t know, mama.”
“You should get married soon, have a family.” her mother said, smiling.
Ilyana felt irked. She was so tired of this conversation. Her mother continued, beaming as she spoke about how all she needed was for Dmitri and Ilyana to settle down and have families. Ilyana had had enough. She threw her napkin down and stood.
“Maybe I don’t want a family, mama. Maybe I’m happy the way I am.” she balled her hands into fists. She knew her words would hurt, and normally she didn’t like to hurt her mom. “I’m done.” she picked up her purse and stalked out, quickly turning the corner and walking off before they could track her down.
It wasn’t just her parents that expected her to settle down with a guy and pump out a couple of kids – her brothers seemed to expect it too. She didn’t want that, but had always been too polite to say so, and now the cat was out of the bag, and her mama was sure to talk off Timur’s ear about it, which meant he would want to talk with her and…
She sighed. There was more that was bothering her than just that. It was still bothering her that everyone around her had someone. It wasn’t a constant sex companion thing she was worried about – it was the closeness that came with a loving relationship, something that seemed to be cruelly denied to her, as all her relationships, especially the last, had been doomed. She brushed tears from her face as she continued to walk. It feels like everyone is moving on without me. She stopped. That was really it, wasn’t it? She was afraid of being left behind and forgotten.
After a moment she changed direction, continuing to move. Her parents would find her at home, and were, in fact, trying to call her, but she was ignoring her phone. She needed to get out these feelings, and she barely knew any of the vampires she could talk to, save for Charles. It seemed petty to bring her concerns to him, and she started to have second thoughts by the time she reached the outreach center.
She had her hand on the door handle, her figure illuminated in the streetlights against the dark night sky. She shook her head and moved her hand off the door. She couldn’t bother him after all – he had more important things to worry about than her little concerns. She turned away from the building then, and began to walk.