Nick yawned and stretched as he woke for the evening. The apartment was quiet; the space beside him held a still sleeping Ryan. Nick leaned over and held the sleeping Ryan tight to him before giving a kiss and letting go. Sliding out of bed, he headed for the attached bathroom in order to shower and prepare for the night. It wasn’t until he was looking through his closet for a shirt, when the dim light in the room caught the reflection of his silver pentacle in the mirror on the back of the door. This had caught his attention, and he looked at it, truly looked at it, for the first time in quite a while.
It was nothing remarkable, very simple – just a pentacle in a celtic knot circle. He’d never not worn it, since he received it. He looked over to the bed, to the man that had gifted it to him a decade before, after they’d been dating six months. He looked at his reflection in the mirror, holding the pentacle with his thumb and forefinger as he reflected. After a few more minutes, he finally pulled his shirt on, the headed out of the room.
Upon exiting, he noticed the living room was empty. Rick was normally there, starting his evening as he was typically up early, but tonight Nick guessed perhaps he was out hunting, or possibly even working. He was halfway across the living room, toward the door to head out, when Circe began twining between his legs, rubbing up against him. He stopped, leaning down to pick her up. She trilled, snuggling up against him as he gave her pets.
Was this a sign? He didn’t know, but he did change course, setting the cat down and making his way to the meditation room he’d set up. He picked up a small remote as he entered, and pressed a button as he closed the door, Circe sneaking in while he wasn’t paying attention. With the press of the button, a series of LED candles turned on, lighting the room with a dim, but serene sort of light, that reflected off the metal wall sculptures to the left and right.
Near the door were two bookcases that held a variety of books and other implements or ingredients he would need for worship, including the sage Vince had gotten him some time before, now dried. He walked over to one of these shelves, collecting a lighter and a stick of incense before making his way past the armchairs nearby, and toward the altar at the front of the room.
The altar was a simple setup – more simplistic than he would like, for Alex had destroyed what he’d collected and cultivated early on after his embrace. Before the altar sat a cushion, which is where Nick now sat, leaning forward to place and light the incense, before setting the lighter aside.
He pulled out his phone, and pulled up his meditation playlist he’d cultivated over time, and had managed to survive Alex’s purge. He set his phone nearby, and worked on clearing his thoughts as the music played. He had to clear his thoughts, her knew, before he could focus on what he wanted, but before long he knew it just wasn’t working. Sensing something wrong, Circe crept closer, then jumped into Nick’s lap, startling him. She nuzzled him for pets, then promptly curled up and began to purr.
Nick set his hand on the cat and smiled a little. Had she come into his life sooner, he might have called her a familiar. But, he needed to know. Had he been abandoned? If he had, would anyone guide him now? Reaching forward, he switched his playlist to a guided meditation and settled back, resting a hand on the purring voidling known as Circe. He focused on clearing his mind, finding it much easier this time – though whether that was due to the guided meditation or the cat, he wasn’t sure.
At first, there was nothing. Then gradually, his mental sacred space came into view around him. He was in a wide open space in the desert, siting on a petrified tree log, with a crackling fire before him. Above him was the night sky full of stars, and he was alone. In his mind, he p wicked up a stick, poking at the fire while watching the sparks. He could hear the guided meditation in the background, but that’s all that it was – background noise.
As time went by, he did not feel the familiar presence of Brigid, and felt saddened. He thought on it, and realized that he had not felt her presence for some time. Mulling it over, he perhaps last felt it before rehab. Certainly not within the last year.
After a final poke, he looked up at the night sky. When he returned his focus to the fire, he was surprised to see a cauldron sitting atop it. Across from him, but next to the cauldron, stood a woman. Her skin was fair, her hair long, and dark. It was difficult in the firelight to tell exactly what color, but it was not quite black – perhaps brown, or an auburn. She looked across the cauldron at him, her jade eyes staring into his own baby blues.
“I’ve been waiting for you to notice me.” she confessed, a bit of a smile playing on her face.
“Who are you?” he asked, though he felt she were familiar.
“You know who I am, Nicholas.” she gently chided.
“Cerridwen.” he replied, after a few moments thought.
She nodded and smiled. After a moment, she slowly faded, leaving only her Cauldron of Knowledge behind, and soon, that faded too.
“Ow.” Nick hissed a little, as he abruptly came out of the meditation. Circe had nipped his finger a little too hard, trying to get his attention. He gave her scritches, then picked her up off his lap so he could stand, and stretch.
Others were up and moving about, he could hear. He didn’t want to head out and have his train of thought derailed, so he went over to the bookcase and looked through his books, flipping through a few before he found information on Cerridwen. He sat in the nearest armchair, and began to read about her.
Different books said different things, but Nick was able to glean enough information to learn that she was a Welsh goddess, considered a Dark Goddess, with ties to the Underworld. She is associated with the moon, inspiration, poetry, prophecy, shape-shifting, and life and death. He learned that she also had powers of prophecy, and was keeper of the Cauldron of Knowledge.
Furthermore, he learned that Cerridwen’s appearance in your life heralds a time of death and rebirth. Something is dying and needs to be let go of, so something new can be born. Let go of what does not serve you and your wholeness.
Carefully, he put his books back, and retrieved his phone to do some research. His laptop would be better, but right now he didn’t want to be disturbed and end up losing his momentum. He searched up Cerridwen, also learning that, in addition to being the keeper of the cauldron of knowledge, she was also a deity of inspiration, as well as rebirth. Additionally, she rules the realms of death, fertility, regeneration, inspiration, magic, enchantment, and knowledge.
Satisfied with this knowledge, he pocketed his phone. He suspected that she had adopted him, so to speak, when he became a vampire, but had no proof, since he’d been so out of touch with his practice for some time. It made sense though, that’s that would be when she noticed him. Still, he didn’t think that was the only reason. She had let herself be known to him finally, but why?
Mulling it over, he settled on that she was trying to tell him something. The idea of rebirth kept coming to mind, but at present he had no idea what that would be referring to. Nor could he think of anyone he knew that he could turn to help him sus it out. With a sigh, he picked up Circe, and headed out of the room, saying hello to people before setting Circe down, and making his way to his studio. He wanted to get lost in music, until something came up, because something always came up.