Liam pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment before getting out of the car to head inside and wait for Kemgaaz. A lot had happened in just a few short days, and it felt like it was starting to come to a head.
Some of it was Sayuri’s fault — her ghouls needing to be taken care of, the results of her attitude with Victorine, and of course, the whole Bratva mess. It was safe to say, he wasn’t sorry to see her go. He’d been wanting to pull away from her since her first infraction with the Traditions, but stuck around because she had been a friend. Now that they had their business disentangled from her, and her out of the country, he felt that he, and perhaps Tavi, should work on wrapping up her loose ends so they didn’t affect them any longer. At the very least, explain to Victorine that her ghouls were now their property and, at most, helping out with the Bratva so that Tony didn’t die, and their domain was left alone.
There was the situation with his family — his mother trying to recover from her breakup, his father dealing with her loving someone else and…well, he didn’t know about anyone else in the family or how they were doing. Putting that aside, it still worried him that his mother would go to such an extreme, and he wondered, yet again, if he should tell her about why Robert had to break up with her, or if he should tell Robert he could potentially circumvent rules by having her ghouled to someone else, or embraced before she came to Phoenix. He balked hard at that thought, though always wondered if it would make her happy.
Those thoughts, he knew, always led to his father. How would he feel about being left behind, either through her moving on or her apparent death? Would he move on, or go to extremes? ‘Doesn’t he deserve the misery?’ A part of him sometimes whispered, though he tried to ignore it. His relationship with his family was starting to heal — he didn’t want to bring up old wounds if he didn’t have to. Neither thought helped him feel unstuck in the matter, that’s why he left things alone, it’s why he’d reached out to his mom, hoping she would talk to him.
All that was just on the back burner of his mind; the forefront was more crowded. He was worried about Tavi and the system. She had been exhibiting some strange behavior that night, and he wondered if it was tied to what Tamiel had done the night before. Even he wasn’t entirely certain what she had done, but the end result was the same — she had tried to kill a man outright. He’d never known the system to do anything like that, and he suspected it was probably affecting Tavi badly. Perhaps that was why she had thought she’d seen something with the crab.
But why had she tried diablerizing Brandon? He wondered if that was Tamiel’s influence, or, perhaps Paxton’s. An act of love or mercy on his part, perhaps. Though it didn’t make sense, when he knew that Brandon had a couple of options. Brandon certainly wasn’t opposed. Liam felt a little badly for Brandon, but was grateful he had shown up when he had to stop it. It was possible Brandon’s age and potency could have overridden the system at worst, or at the very least, another voice in Tavi’s head that she didn’t need.
Brandon and Paxton though. It was odd to think of Paxton having much of a fondness for anyone outside the system, yet here they were, waiting on Kemgaaz to speak with Brandon again, all because Pax talked him into it. He just hoped no one got hurt in the process of whatever kind of relationship sparked between them. Most of the system he trusted — he wasn’t wholly sure he should trust Brandon. He seemed an alright sort, and Vince trusted him. Liam just wasn’t sure he trusted Brandon to not turn Skittles into more of a little monster than she could be. Then again, he sighed, it was likely for the best. So he hoped.
Then there was his love life. Knowing what he knew now, he would have done the day differently. Vince and Ollie had both needed him, and he’d been too obtuse to pick up on it. They both deserved so much better than what he’d been giving them, that he’d almost said as much via text earlier, especially to Ollie. It was true that he didn’t get to come to town and spend much time with Liam, so it really wasn’t fair of Liam to brush him off in favor of Vince when he was around so l little. But Vince had wanted him too, and they didn’t generally get along. What was he supposed to have done?
He kicked idly at the wall, and not nearly as hard as he would have liked. He couldn’t help how he felt, but maybe it would have been better if he hadn’t hooked back up with Ollie. Maybe he should have just kept to his short flings, and then things wouldn’t be such a mess. He was fairly happy with Vince, even if he could be difficult, and was floating on memories of how it had been with Ollie, and not trying to reconnect so much. Something had to change though, and it had to change with him he felt. He just didn’t know how to go about it, nor had he had the opportunity to talk to anyone about it yet. He wanted to solve this problem, sooner, rather than later. But other things had to come before personal issues — like keeping an eye on Tavi for Adam.
Liam blinked a few times, as his mind flitted back to last night. He had been angered so much by what he had seen, what he knew those poor kids had gone through; kids that were only trying to be themselves in a world just beginning to try and tolerate what they were; how they were born. He’d reveled in feeding off the hateful psychiatrist, and he could remember his beast being pleased at this, urging him to continue; to kill, and feed until sated. But he had stopped, and shared his victim with Tamiel. The Beast had been unhappy about this, but was pleased by the deaths of those that had caused the anger. They had died in a fire — not as satisfying as tearing them apart with his own teeth and claws, but they had still died.
He knew they had to, or they’d just reorganize and start anew. But how did he feel about those deaths? He wasn’t sure — empty, perhaps. ‘At least this time it wasn’t kids’. As this thought intruded, he could see the faces of the school shooter whom he’d killed, and the one who’d killed himself in front of him, causing him to frenzy. It just made him feel angry and sad all over again. Mostly angry.
Hell, every thought currently on or at the back of his mind made him either angry, worried or both, and he wasn’t handling it well right now. He leaned his head back against the wall, closed his eyes, and focused on some meditation to try to drive out the thoughts. The now was the focus, not the past, not what was to come — just now. Now he had to make sure that things went well with the meeting, that Tavi would be alright. Now was the time to be confident, to be strong for others.
He could break down later if he had to.