Dear Vince,
I first want to say thank you. Thank you for trusting in me enough to confide in me. Now to say what I think you need to hear – I love you. I have for very long time, and I think you’ve noticed. I’ve tried refraining from saying anything as, while I may not have known for sure, I sensed you might not be ready to accept that.
I am of the belief that all creatures, regardless of what they are, have the capacity for great harm or great good. You forget, I met you when you were young and misguided; feral. I’ve dealt with enough vampires to know how dangerous the Beast inside can be. It is, I think, a part of human nature to revel in what you are good at. I say human because, even a vampire was human once, long enough to learn those things. You, my love, are more human than they – please remember that.
You may scoff at this, but…would it help, perhaps, to have a confidant? Or even to just write those fantasies as an act of catharsis? I can’t promise that it would help, but it could take the edge off, perhaps. Coming to terms with yourself is a wonderful first step, and I am not the slightest bit disappointed in you. I knew you had been with a fair number of women, simply based on the running tally you and Brandon seem to keep. You’ve mentioned before about having rut with wolves, and it doesn’t bother me in the least that you’ve lain with men – I am Greek, after all.
Your lack of satiatian may, perhaps, because you need to find meaning or purpose. It’s not a secret to those you call friend that you consider yourself cursed because of what you are. Sweetheart, stop thinking of yourself as a burden or curse. Those who call you friend would fight for you. Those who love you would go to hell and beyond for you.
I understand that you are afraid of losing control. Don’t let this be solely your burden, alright? You’ve helped so many, now let those who trust you try to help you. I don’t have an answer as to how, but living life, always afraid…that is not life – that’s existence, and you are letting your fear use and control you, not unlike the wolves of long-ago used you for their own ends.
Maybe you can’t be the person you want right now. Maybe you can’t truly open up right now. But those are the key words – right now. You think I deserve more than you can give me. Is that true? I don’t know. I have my own demons and nightmares, and am not deserving of a pedestal. I know you’re not the biggest fan of the show, but let me leave you with a quote from Buffy: “The hardest thing in this world, is to live in it.” Hell, have a few more:
| “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” ~ Confucius | “Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.” ~Marie Curie | “Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.” ~Yoda |
The point I’m trying to make is, you aren’t alone. You aren’t unwanted, unloved, or undeserving. Drill that into your thick, stubborn-headed skull already. I’ve loved you since you were a feral little neonate. You know what I know about what has happened since. I’m still here. I still love you. At this point, I’m pretty sure that love is permanent.